Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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