you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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