how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
