shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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