Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize