Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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