Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
