new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
