I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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