If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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