We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
