Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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