I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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