I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
