oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
