Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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