A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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