I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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