Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
