I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
