Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
