census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she pinky promised me she was 18
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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