my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize