Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
