this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
