Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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