I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
tell me about the fingering
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