Say something about gay babies.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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