how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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