hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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