I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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