tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
