i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
