My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
