I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
