come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she smelled like a LAN party
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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