Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
