Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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