Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
