Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
