She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize