I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
