I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
