I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
