Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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