I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
