i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
