you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
