I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
