I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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