I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize