so that wasnt chicken after all
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
