I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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