i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
