So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
