I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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