I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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