***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
