at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
