I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
