I must be too annoying 4 u.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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