Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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