My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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