I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
