Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
